Teacher Vero from La Cucaracha is facing her greatest annual challenge yet- It’s Back To School time! See more of La Cucaracha, the nationally syndicated comic strip by me, Pocho Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz here.
latinos
Marina’s Way: A Cyber-Novela [Chapter One]
Marina is exhausted but exhilarated. Her entrails are convulsing violently as she pumps hundreds of rounds into the hordes of CSA Minutemen coming at her from all sides. After two sleepless nights of hard battle, she can barely hold onto the trigger, which is a throttle gyrating wildly in her hands.
She is emptying magazines from eight different machine guns placed strategically on the exoskeleton of her BattleBot or “Bot.” Bots are oversized suits of armor, equipped with lasers, machine guns, rocket launchers, grenades, poison gas canisters and other weapons systems.
Bots are operated by specialized Bot Pilots working deep inside the steel behemoths, which weigh thousands of pounds and stand five stories high. BattleBots were secretly developed by the U.S. Army and were now widely used by armies around the world.
“Incoming,” squawks Marina’s radar. “Shit! Some pinche vendido traitor ratted us out,” Marina hisses into her headset as fighter jets roar overhead and the forest explodes all around her.
GOP alerts Congressmen on vacay to ‘looming threat of liberalism’
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) As the Republican-controlled House of Representatives left town for a five-week paid vacation, GOP leaders warned members returning to their home districts to be on high alert because of unspecified “threats of liberalism.”
“These liberals are out there with their ‘logic and facts and science,’ and all our malarkey will Ben Ghazi in our faces if we’re not careful,” Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) cautioned in a memo to his partisans Friday.
“Members are urged to stay close to their vacation retreats in gate-guarded communities, hunting lodges, country clubs and private marinas,” Boehner wrote, “and avoid potentially hazardous areas that may harbor liberals and their sympathizers. College campuses, where Republicans can easily get bamboozled by Improvised Intellectual Debates (IIDs), are particularly dangerous.”
Mas…GOP alerts Congressmen on vacay to ‘looming threat of liberalism’
Breaking: Napolitano brings harsh border enforcement to UC
(PNS reporting from BERKELEY) Department of Homeland Security Secretary (and former Arizona Governor) Janet Napolitano has accepted an offer to head up the University of California system.
Napolitano promised to do the same for the UC system that she did for the border during her time at DHS:
“I kept out and quashed as many Mexicans as any DHS Secretary could during my tenure, and now that Latinos are overtaking whites in California, I promise to do the same at the UC system,” she said in a statement.
Mas…Breaking: Napolitano brings harsh border enforcement to UC
Flash: ‘Foxy Farmworkers’ set for Fall premiere on Fox
(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Hoping to capitalize on the Devious Maids buzz, Fox will jump on the stereotypical Latino programming bandwagon with a new entry this fall called Foxy Farmworkers.
The show will follow a quirky group of “young, single and ready-to-mingle” Mexican farmworkers as they make their way from the impoverished US-Mexico border to fields in Washington, Oregon, Montana, Michigan.
Between backbreaking 14-16 hour days in the sun and working in the fields, the young men manage to get themselves into a world of trouble chasing after petite, white women in the towns they pass through, breaking hearts along the way.
Update: Judge says killer whales more violent because black
(PNS reporting from NEW ORLEANS) The “Honorable” Judge Edith Jones further angered civil rights and animal rights activists today when she issued a statement claiming killer whales were more violent than other sea life because they are black.
Jones, who was blasted for her earlier assertion that blacks and Latinos are more violent than Caucasians, ignored a court-ordered injunction to stop embarrassing herself and loudly voiced her controversial opinion about the beloved aquatic mammals at a bar association “power breakfast” in the French Quarter this morning.
Her comment was spurred by the new documentary Blackfish, which deals with a tragic killer whale-related fatality at Sea World.
Mas…Update: Judge says killer whales more violent because black
Pocho Ocho things that prove blacks and Latinos are more violent
The Honorable Judge Edith Jones, who sits on the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in New Orleans, is a true American patriot who refuses to bow down to the idols of political correctness.
At a February lecture at the Law School of the University of Pennsylvania, Jones “asserted as fact the proposition that blacks and Hispanics are more likely to commit violent crimes,” according so-called “ethics complaints” filed by some extreme left-wing crime-coddling special interest elite pressure groups.
Complain all you want, you Muslim Brotherhood Kenyan socialist libtards! Consider these Pocho Ocho things that prove Latinos and blacks are more violent:
8. Juan Ga
7. Ru Paul
6. Love Train
Mas…Pocho Ocho things that prove blacks and Latinos are more violent
Pocho Ocho Latinos who confuse white peeps (we all look the same!)
People are often confused by different Latinos — it’s hard to tell us apart if we all look the same, right?
Here’s a quick roundup of the top eight folks who get mistaken for each other. Let us know if we missed any in the comments!
8. Pocho superstars Gustavo Arellano and Lalo Alcaraz
7. Pitbull the dog and Pitbull the singer
6. Airplane buddies Edward James Olmos and Jan Brewer
Mas…Pocho Ocho Latinos who confuse white peeps (we all look the same!)
It came from outer espace: Demographic meteor disaster (toon)
More toons from POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz @ Huffington Post Latino Voices…
RELATED:
The Talking Dead: No Habla Zombie
The Walking Dead is a great television series. It has captured that attention of the nation with a human drama centered around less-than-human storylines. But it is not without its own flaws, one of which is the lack of racial diversity on the show.
One of the people I follow on Twitter is Glen Mazzara, the executive producer and one of the writers for The Walking Dead. His Twitter feed usually consists of promos for the show but the other day he posted a link to an article in Slate that criticized the show for only allowing one black guy at a time among the living. The Tweet ? “One Black Guy at a Time.”
The article noted that the show’s only black female character, Michonne, was not allowed to use words to settle conflicts – she always resorts to the sword. Rick, the show’s main character, has used reason to get out of a bad situation on more than one occasion. Why does the black chick always have to be pissed off, silent and bloodthirsty?
Pocho Ocho key provisions of Republican ‘Dream Act Lite’
They got a serious ass-whupping and they know it, so Republican “moderates” are crafting a “Dream Act Lite” to try to bridge the gap with Latinos.
Here are their Pocho Ocho key provisions:
8. Replace old slogan “No wet backs, no wet dreams” with something more encouraging.
7. Military service need not be completed to achieve citizenship if you are killed in line of duty.
6. You dropped some “anchor babies”? Can you sing “In the Navy”? We thought you could.
Mas…Pocho Ocho key provisions of Republican ‘Dream Act Lite’
Pocho Ocho ‘gifts’ Democrats gave Latinos to vote for Obama
Loser and liar Willard “Mitt” Romney finally got something correct! The overwhelming Latino margin for President Bronco Bama was entirely due to “gifts” the Democrats used as bribes. Here are the top eight:
8. Taco Tuesdays covered by Obamacare
7. Rick Bayless gets full-time gig with Food and Drug Administration (Drug Division)
6. New “path to citizenship:” SuperLotto
Mas…Pocho Ocho ‘gifts’ Democrats gave Latinos to vote for Obama
Ñewsweek: Adios to Florida, viral Latinophilia, hot sex escandal
Florida once against led the nation in advanced asshattery (Arizona — step up your game!) as it became the first state to actually secede from the United Estates, thanks to President Bronco Bama’s “Don’t Let the Door Hit Your Ass on the Way Out” declaration.
In East Los, gangbangers finally got their chance to do it Ganga/Gangnam style with Don Cheto, and across America many right-wing racists seemed to be suffering from an infection of acute contagious Latinophilia, with Fox-head Sean Hannity leading the pack of patients.
And then there was the shock resignation of Maria Cholula after revelations of her affair with Tagberto Tapatio.
We have all the big ñews links here:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Adios to Florida, viral Latinophilia, hot sex escandal
On House floor, Rep. Luis Gutierrez schools GOP on Latinos (video)
Congressman Luis V. Gutierrez (D-IL) continues his education efforts on the House floor, introducing the Republican Party to Latinos.
Contagious Latinophilia hits U.S.; Boehner, Hannity, Arpaio infected
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Public health officials are concerned about contagious Latinophilia that has spread with breathtaking speed across America since Bronco Bama’s reelection last week.
Former anti-Latino pundits and politicians who for years went out of their way to make life miserable for Latinos are now succumbing to what scientists believe may be a viral condition.
“Almost immediately after the election — which may have been decided by the massive Latino vote — reports began flooding our offices,” Robert McLean, Director of Public Health Outbreaks at the Centers for Disease Control in Washington, D.C. said this morning at a press conference.
“All across the nation an increasing number of white men have expressed a new need to reach out to Latinos,” he said.
Mas…Contagious Latinophilia hits U.S.; Boehner, Hannity, Arpaio infected
Politics at the airport: It’s true – I’m a Latina and I do want stuff
I am on my way to Los Angeles.
My baby brother is getting married. It is going to take me close to 12 hours to get to him, courtesy of the latest storm to hit the North East, Athena.
In order to get to LA, I am having to travel from Newark to Charlotte, NC to Phoenix before landing in LA. It dawned on me, as we landed in North Carolina, that I was landing in a “red state” – something that I am only keenly aware of because of the recent presidential election – the results of which have left some people feeling raw. I digested this reality for a moment and looked forward to the almost three-hour layover here.
It’s incredible to casually people watch, something I love to do when I travel, because on the surface, we all look the same, and in airports especially, we all have similar goals – to get somewhere. Nothing much separates us from one another here.
I opened up my laptop and started to enjoy the free Wifi offered at the Charlotte Davidson International Airport. Two men sat next to me. Southern accent – which I often find endearing – enthusiastically talking about car racing. Conversation started about the most recent race one of them competed in, an upcoming three-week visit to Florida for another race, their team, their sponsors…I soon got lost in work and Twitter.
Then it happened:
Mas…Politics at the airport: It’s true – I’m a Latina and I do want stuff
Viva Kennedy? The Latino Lockout at the Kennedy Center
“Latinos can go “blank” themselves!”
This is what Kennedy Center director Michael Kaiser must have been thinking when he screamed, “Go F___ yourself!” into the telephone when confronted by Felix Sanchez, director of the National Hispanic Foundation for the Arts (NHFA) on the continuing Latino Lockout at the Kennedy Center honors.
Since its 1978 founding, the Kennedy Center has only honored Latin@s Chita Rivera and Placido Domingo. I spoke to Sanchez about this disturbing incident, and the even more disturbing third-of-a-century-long diss against Latino artists in the United States.
LA: Felix, first of all I want to applaud you for revealing the media what Kaiser said to you on the telephone. Most people would defer and not speak up about a private and embarrassing (to Kaiser) conversation. Can you briefly re-tell what happened?
For two years we’ve been trying to reach the Kennedy Center chair, president, producer, and even Caroline Kennedy. We’ve sent letters, emails, phone calls and we’ve gotten ZERO response. We were able to talk to the assistant to Kaiser. This is the buffer they set up between us and the administration of the Kennedy Center. They refused to meet with us, saying they cannot meet with anyone lobbying for individuals to receive the honor. They have been fighting anyone who wants to get to the truth of the matter. They have no interest in resolving or cooperating this issue. So on September 12th they announced the 2012 honorees.
Hollywood casting directors’ racial stereotyping never ends (video)
Another day in Hollywood, another casting call. Getting a good part is hard enough without the racial stereotyping and White Casting. (NSFW language.)
Meet Payasos, activist Latino Los Angeles ‘Rad Queers’ (NSFW video)
They’re here, they’re queer. Oh dear! 😉 (Potentially NSFW depending.)
Romney gets especial love at El Palacio de los Jugos in Miami (video)
When GOP nominee wannabe Mitt Romney visited El Palacio de los Jugos in Miami earlier this month, he was greeted by the owner, a convicted Koch coke dealer, and an excited, vocal crowd. Angel Reyes was there and shot this video.
Comic Dennis Vargas: How to confuse white people (video)
Confusing white people is easy if you follow these handy tips from stand-up comedian Dennis Vargas.
Ñewsweek: Driving while fluffy, yo quiero taxes, Pro Tips for Latinos
The Hate State of Arizona retained its leading position as the most anti-Latino state in the country as the witchy bitchy governor, Jan Brewer, decided that DREAMERS who apply for Deferred Action should be denied state service like drivers’ licenses.
Also in Arizona, husky humorist Gabriel Iglesias’ tour bus got pulled over for a papers check. In Texas, a humble farmworker released his income tax returns and asked GOP nominee wannabe Mitt Romney to do the same and POCHO offered Pro Tips for Latinos working in The Office.
These were the stories that broke the ñews this week:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Driving while fluffy, yo quiero taxes, Pro Tips for Latinos
Work in ‘The Office’? You need our Pocho Ocho Pro Tips for Latinos
8. Don’t wear your sombrero to the office — unless it’s casual sombrero Friday.
7. If you are going to speak in Spanish at the office, talk shit about your non-Spanish speaking co-workers.
6. Respond with “Yes, I am an immigrant” when your co-workers ask you where you are from. You don’t want to be rude and tell them you were actually born in Chicago, now do you?
Mas…Work in ‘The Office’? You need our Pocho Ocho Pro Tips for Latinos
Somehow, during the Olympics, we missed the ‘Siesta Cup’ (video)
This German TV network news report covers the grueling Siesta World Cup competition, which always seems to be always won by Latinos.
Thanks to our friends at LatinoRebels.com for the news tip!
From ‘Legalizame’ by Dazer: The haunting ‘La Raza’ (audio, video)
Hip hop artist/activist Dazer — originally from Chile — lives and creates in Los Angeles where he filmed the haunting La Raza, featured on his new album Legalizame. The beauty of the melody makes the lyrics soar.
Here the words in Spanish and (robot) English and a streaming audio-only file:
Mas…From ‘Legalizame’ by Dazer: The haunting ‘La Raza’ (audio, video)
Wikipedia: Please add these Pocho Ocho ethnic slurs for Mexicans
Can’t get no respect, not even from Wikipedia.
The online encyclopedia offers a comprehensive entry on ethnic slurs:
- Bad names for Italians? Wikipedia is right there with Dago, Goombah, Greaseball, Guido, Guinea and Wop.
- Wikipedia offers a shoutout to the Jews: Hymie, Kike, Mocky, Hebe and Sheeny.
- African-Americans? Wikipedia has you covered: Coon, Crow, Boogie, Eggplant, Macacaca, Sambo and Spook.
And yet there is no listing of nasty names for Latinos in general, let alone Mexicans. No pinche respect!
So, pochos, if you’re Wikipedia editors, please note our Pocho Ocho top ethnic slurs for Mexicans:
Mas…Wikipedia: Please add these Pocho Ocho ethnic slurs for Mexicans
Eye of the beholder: A day in the life of an Eames chair (video)
DIEZ tells the story of a molded plywood Eames chair and its journey over the course of a few days in San Francisco, a journey that starts when the chair is momentarily left in front of an upscale gallery, and an older Mexican woman takes the chair, mistaking the modern design icon for trash. This random event sets in motion the chair’s journey and surprising transformation.
DIEZ deconstructs; literally and figuratively – an Eames chair. The story illustrates in a whimsical fashion how the value of material objects can have different, but no less important, meaning to different people. DIEZ shows the many different realities that exist in the same neighborhood and the contrasting values that accompany them. Ultimately DIEZ asks the question; when divided into its DIEZ (ten) basic components, what value does an Eames chair really have?
Mexican Mitt Romney: Latinos need Labambacare, pronto!
This is a terrible day for illness and disease. Obamacare being upheld by those activist judges at the Supremes Court is making me sicker than the time I tried McDonald’s experimental “Birria Burger.”
Thank God it was Available for a Limited Time Only.
The Republican Party is the only party looking out for disease! Diseases are people, my friends. Especially Jan Brewer.
This ruling upholding Obamacare is wrong for Amercia, and really messes up my campaign for President. However, things are not terminal yet.
I vow on my Day Juan in office as Presidente Romney, to repeal Obamacare (AKA Romneycare) and replace it with Romneydoesntcare.
Romneydoesntcare is modeled on the health system we had before, which was, “rich people pay cash for healthcare, and everyone else can go pound pupusas.”
Obama, Romney kiss brown butt in exciting panderama! (video)
Who can kiss mas butt? President Barack Obama and Gov. Mitt Romney both spoke to the National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials last week in La Florida. So who won the contest of Los Panderos? The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart reports.
Photos: He’s a real nowhere man lost in paletero land
Artist Ramiro Gomez, Jr. makes the invisible visible as he inserts cardboard images of hardworking Latinos into the landscape of Los Angeles and documents his installation art with photos. At half-past midnight he emailed POCHO:
I went up to Hollywood Blvd. this afternoon and put up my newest cardboard installation. It is on the corner of Hollywood Blvd. and Curson Ave. I went back tonight and it has not been taken down yet, hopefully, the location I chose allows it to ride for a while.
The big versions of Gomez’ photos are below.
Shoutout to Hollywood peeps: Is the paletero still there? Please share your updates in the Comments section below. Gracias!
POCHO Podcast #1: Lalo Alcaraz and Al Madrigal have words for you
POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz (in Southern California) and Migrant Editor Al Madrigal (in New York) Skyped away last week for POCHO’s first coast-to-coast podcast.