Ask A Mexican: Here’s an idea – Learn to love hipsters (NSFW video)


In between the Mexican curse words, Gustavo Arellano has a modest proposal: Learn to love your local hipster and/or chipster. We’re still trying to figure out what and who ¡Asked A Mexican! That cartoon, though! [NSFW adult language.]

CHIPSTERS?

Are you a Chipster (Chicano + hipster)? There are Pocho Ocho ways to tell. You might be a Chipster if…

Mas…Ask A Mexican: Here’s an idea – Learn to love hipsters (NSFW video)

Ask A Mexican: Why should we care about Ferguson? (NSFW video)

gustavohandsGustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano recalls America’s history of police brutality against people of color in his latest video: Why Mexicans Should Care About Michael Brown and Ferguson. The author and editor (OC Weekly) reprises a 2007 toon from POCHO Jefe Lalo Alcaraz to prove his point. One additional pregunta, though: Is Gustavo’s hoodie fashion forward, rain gear or a political statement? [NSFW F-bomb.]

Mas…Ask A Mexican: Why should we care about Ferguson? (NSFW video)

Ask A Mexican: Why do Salvadorans and Mexicans hate so much? (video)

gussalvadorGustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano steps back into the video limelight to ponder the question: Why do Mexicans (and Mexican-Americans) and Salvadorans (and Salvadoran-Americans) hate each other so much? Is it because Salvadoran horchata is better than Mexican horchata? And the fact that pupusas kick gorditas’ culinary nalgas? Or are they just following an age-old American tradition of hatin’ on the newbies that goes back at least to Benjamin Franklin?

Mas…Ask A Mexican: Why do Salvadorans and Mexicans hate so much? (video)

Hey! You’re lookin’ for tacos in all the wrong places (photos)

necklaceAs POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano pointed out in his book Taco USA, America loves tacos.

How much does America love tacos, you ask? Taco imagery is everywhere — jewelry (necklace, above), toys, drinks, desserts, babies, kitties, doggies, purses, rear-view mirrors. And how could we make a listicle without the pink taco? [The pink taco final photograph may be NSFW depending on your work. We don’t think it is, but you never know, tu sabes?]

Mas…Hey! You’re lookin’ for tacos in all the wrong places (photos)

¡Ask A Mexican! Why do Chicanos root for the Mexican soccer team?


It’s that Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano guy again, this time explaining why Mexican-American soccer (futbol) fans root for the Mexican team even if the game is against Los United Estates. Arellano, looking a little green, claims it’s one of the cultural peculiarities gabachos hate most about Mexicanos.

PREVIOUSLY ON FUTBOL:

Mas…¡Ask A Mexican! Why do Chicanos root for the Mexican soccer team?

Pocho Ocho upworthy Latino quotes Chipotle should have used

chipotlebabyAs POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano noted Friday, Chipotle Mexican Grill pulled a boner when it decided to put short stories from ten famous authors on its cups and bags but couldn’t find one Latino with words worthy enough to wrap its burritos.

There’s now a Facebook book group organizing around this issue and the Pochodores have been brainstorming inspirational packaging ideas as well.

First off all, short stories? Srsly? TL;DR, amiright?

Here are the Pocho Ocho more upworthy Latino quotes Chipotle should have used:

8. There’s a reason you separate the military and the police. One fights the enemies of the state, the other serves and protects the people. When the military becomes both, then the enemies of the state tend to become the people. (Commander William Adama.)

7. Repression….Recession. It’s all the same thing, man. (Cheech Marin.)

6. In a way, all of us has an El Guapo to face some day. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous guy who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be the actual El Guapo. (Lucky Day.)

Mas…Pocho Ocho upworthy Latino quotes Chipotle should have used

Write, shoot, draw for POCHO and become rich and famous*

You could be rich and famous*

That’s right — you sitting there in your PJs, bunny slippers and Frida Kahlo unibrow.

After all, you know better than other people on the Internets, and if you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich?

Donut despair! You can turn your Aztlan acumen into fame y fortune in a matter of weeks, and

It’s easier than you think.

These are the factoids:

This is a proven method that

  • propelled openly-Chicano Lalo Alcaraz and Gustavo Arellano to writing gigs at a new Fox sitcom,
  • zoomed actor and comic Al Madrigal to The Daily Show and
  • teleported NYC standup Elise Roedenbeck from dimly-lit stages in the East Village to the bright TV lights of the new FUSION network in Miami.

Mas…Write, shoot, draw for POCHO and become rich and famous*

Naranjas, Señor?! Oranges for sale! (video)

The naranjero works hard for his money, so hard for it, honey.

As much as this street-vending orange seller looks like POCHO amigo Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano, it’s not him.

Here’s Arellano at his weekend gig:

Mas…Naranjas, Señor?! Oranges for sale! (video)

Contribute to POCHO, get discovered, become rich and famous*

You could be rich and famous*

That’s right — you sitting there in your PJs, bunny slippers and Frida Kahlo unibrow.

After all, you know better than other people on the Internets, and if you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich?

Donut despair! You can turn your Aztlan acumen into fame y fortune in a matter of weeks, and

It’s easier than you think.

These are the factoids:

This is a proven method that

  • propelled openly-Chicano Lalo Alcaraz and Gustavo Arellano to writing gigs at a new Fox sitcom,
  • zoomed actor and comic Al Madrigal to The Daily Show and
  • teleported NYC standup Elise Roedenbeck from dimly-lit stages in the East Village to the bright TV lights of the new FUSION network in Miami.

Mas…Contribute to POCHO, get discovered, become rich and famous*

Gustavo Arellano at ASU: The Glories of the Arizona Latino

hispanicconvocation900

POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano (he's the ¡Ask A Mexican! guy and editor of the O.C. Weekly) delivered this keynote speech at Arizona State University's biannual Hispanic Convocation Wednesday. The photo (below) shows him at his day job.

Gracias, Arizona State, for asking me to be this year’s Hispanic Convocation keynote. I’m sure it’s a mercy offering to UCLA, after your Sun Devils demolished my Bruins this year in football. No hard feelings–hey, at least we both kicked the nalgas of USC this season, right?

When I announced that I was giving a speech here today, congratulations came from across the country. But also invading my inbox were the inevitable insults–not toward me, but toward the state of Arizona. “Don’t forget to take your papers!” was the most obvious dig. “Watch out for Sheriff Arpaio!” was another one–that one I took to heart, because he did have my former bosses at the New Times arrested a couple of years back. But the slams that I found especially egregious were those that insisted I shouldn’t bother coming to this so-called evil estado in the first place.

Mas…Gustavo Arellano at ASU: The Glories of the Arizona Latino

Visionary behind Doritos Locos Tacos dies at 41 (photos + video)

toddtacosTodd Mills, who came up with the idea for Doritos Locos Tacos, lost his battle with cancer on Thanksgiving. The Little Rock, Arkansas father of two was 41 (photo, above.)

USA Today reports:

Mills started the Facebook page “Taco Shells from Doritos Movement” in 2009, encouraging followers to “tell Frito-Lay that we demand nacho cheesy taco shells!”

On the page, Mills posted photoshopped images of well known figures including Albert Einstein with a cheesy taco shell in a thought bubble, Steve Jobs holding a Macbook with a cheesy taco shell on the screen and Chuck Norris doing a karate kick while holding a cheesy taco shell….

Mas…Visionary behind Doritos Locos Tacos dies at 41 (photos + video)

The Latin Grammys: America’s biggest anti-Mexican sham

latingrammys

latingrammys150Over a decade ago, I wrote an op-ed piece for what was called Pacific News Service but is now New American Media bemoaning how pathetic the Latin Grammys were due to their lack of Mexican music. “The definers of Latin culture,” I wrote then, “have decided that the most popular Latin music genre in the United States isn’t worthy of promotion because it might lead people to believe that Latinos are poor and culturally backward, not slick and ‘with it.'”

Mas…The Latin Grammys: America’s biggest anti-Mexican sham

It’s National Taco Day! Eat ’em if you got ’em

streettacosAccording to either the National Taco Industry Council, or some drunk person who also just made this up, today is National Taco Day in the United Estates.

And it says so, on to the online hub of this holiday, NationalTacoDay.com:

In 2012, Americans ate 4.5 billion tacos! 
That’s 490,000 miles of tacos, which could take you to the moon and back or, if you prefer, could, at 775-million pounds, equal the weight of two Empire State Buildings.

Damn, that just makes me feel fat. Also on their site, they state oddly that:

Mas…It’s National Taco Day! Eat ’em if you got ’em

Pocho Ocho sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce besides lead

elpatoskullNBC reports that El Pato Salsa Picante has been withdrawn from the American market because tests found it was contaminated with lead. El Pato is just one of several Mexican salsa brands that contain the poisonous substance, according to scientists at the University of Nevada Las Vegas.

Of course, there’s no way lead is the only nasty in these little bottles. And sure enough — buried in footnotes at the bottom of the report — are the Pocho Ocho OTHER sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce:

8. The average Cholula bottle contains 10 micrograms per deciliter of the “Bacillus Botas Picudas”, an organic pathogen thought to be behind the craving for pointy  boots.

7. Habaneros chiles may be the top ingredient in El Yucateco Salsa Picante de Chile Habanero, but lurking at the bottom of the list are 8.8 micrograms per deciliter of “Barba Habanera,” said to be a homeopathic solution of hair scraped from Comrade Fidel’s razor.

Mas…Pocho Ocho sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce besides lead

Breaking: Actor Jesse Borrego to unveil new salsa

chingasalsa(PNS reporting from TAMPA) Chicano actor Jesse Borrego, famous for Blood In, Blood Out, is set to unveil a new salsa that he says will “light a fire under your ass!”

The salsa, named “Chinga Tu Madre!” will be sold in cans only and is slated for release this September by the Rick Bayless Division of Frito Lay.

Borrego invited PNS to sample some of the salsa Tuesday at what he calls his “private office.”

Mas…Breaking: Actor Jesse Borrego to unveil new salsa

The Pocho Ocho top favorite ways racists try to tell me off

Screen Shot 2013-07-15 at 9.59.39 AMIt comes with the territory — when you tackle controversial issues you attract controversial responses.  Or, as I like to call it, Crackpot Racist Hate Mail From Right Wing Nut Jobs (CRHMFRWNJ for short.)

Some of the messages scrawled on paper bags in crayon (and blood?) are mailed to various newspapers around the country that publish La Cucaracha and/or my editorial cartoons.  Some post comments here on POCHO and assorted loons follow me from Twitter to Facebook to my blog to leave me droppings from their thought processes.  No one follows them around with pooper escoopers, so I’m stuck with what they call in the sewage industry “solid waste” — mierda for you pochos.

I spent maybe 10 or 20 minutes going through the folder on my Mac desktop named Love_Letters, and came up with this list of my Pocho Ocho favorite insults:

8. Go back to Africa!

Mas…The Pocho Ocho top favorite ways racists try to tell me off

Gustavo Arellano: Summers, I turn on my inner George Clooney

Summers are when our amigo Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano, editor of the OC Weekly, turns on his inner George Clooney. In a grisly yearly ritual, Gustavo entrusts me, POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz, with the opportunity to illustrate a comic relating some sad aspect of his tragic love life. He writes the comic script, but then lets me have his way with the last panel, and the results are guaranteed to entertain you and embarrass Gus!  The way he described it to me, it looks something like this…

Hold on — you mean those taco copters could be for reals?

It started out as a very well-executed hoax.

A Silly Valley startup was marrying advanced four-rotor light helicopter technology with America’s love of Mexican food to create a breakthrough business: Smart-phone-directed delivery of tacolicious love to your location.

Blogger Dan Shapiro:

The Tacocopters are coming. Sure, the original pitch was a clever troll aimed at credulous and impatient fast-food junkies. But the numbers don’t lie – a typical taco weighs less than a pound, and aircraft that can autonomously fly a few dozen ounces of payload to your doorstep are already available for around a thousand bucks. Amazon Prime is cool, and I can’t wait for self-driving delivery cars – but there’s a reason they call a beeline a beeline. Flying autonomous deliverybots are coming. Fast.

And if these choppers could also deliver cold, refreshing cerveza? The world would beat a mousetrap to their door!

¡Mira! An inspired hardware hacker just built a proof of concept that moves the technology a step closer to reality — the beer copter:

Mas…Hold on — you mean those taco copters could be for reals?

Mainstream media wants to know: WTF are ‘pochos’ and ‘nacos’?

I have long said it is a Pocho Planet, and maybe you can make the case that it’s a Naco World as well!

We all know what a pocha or a pocho is, and the greatness and prestige that designation implies. But if you aren’t clear, or wondering what the hell naco means, watch this mun2 video featuring Gustavo Arellano, Jenni Rivera, Commander Adama plus many other cool folks. And me.

Thanks to the gente at mun2 for having me!

Naco was the Word of the Day at the Daily Texican in 2004

Dear Mr. Politically-Correct Burrito Preservationist: WTF?

God bless America, and the moo-shu pork burrito

This guy Juan Faura is all pissed off because burritos aren’t just the way he wants them to be anymore. Now they have icky stuff in them. Breakfast stuff sometimes. Bleu cheese even. The Horror!

Bleu cheese and chikken (yes with two Ks) with thyme “burrito” really?  Burrito?  What is going on?  I’ll tell you what’s going on, someone has come in the dead of night and quietly, with full knowledge and malice, abducted our beloved “burrito”.

Definitions can be either prescriptive or descriptive. You can prescribe that a puro pizza must be made with tomato, basil and cheese only, or it isn’t really a pizza. Or describe that in wacky Califas, we have Thai barbecued chicken pizzas, and carnitas picsa and Oh! there’s The Horror again.

People are always trying to keep things “pure.” In Spain, the Royal Academy wants to regulate Spanish. Words they don’t like — new words, loan words, Spanglish words that are actually spoken — are forbidden. They fight a losing battle, because the only constant in language is change, despite the king and his court.

This mad delusion is everywhere. In poor, flooded Bangla Desh, they are trying to outlaw the mixture of Bengali and English called Banglish. POCHO pities the fools.

Mas…Dear Mr. Politically-Correct Burrito Preservationist: WTF?

Gustavo Arellano: This one goes out to all the community college grads

Author, editor and POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano delivered this commencement speech yesterday to the graduates of Long Beach Community College:

Gustavo Arellano

Gracias for having me here, Vikings. I come from that evil land over yonder on the other side of the 405 — Orange County. Por favor don’t hold it against me, as I come to ustedes in peace and with a message about our shared background as products of California’s magnificent community college system.

I graduated in 1999 from Orange Coast College in Costa Mesa, just down the 405. My experience there was similar in many respects to yours. I had a full course load, took intersession, took as many summer school courses as possible, and did all of this while working full time, no financial aid, and helping to support my family. The classes were crowded, the parking horrific, the professors ranging from Einsteins to idiots.

Mas…Gustavo Arellano: This one goes out to all the community college grads